Heavy again.

I feel heavy and tired. Again. I never thought I would get here again. And I saw myself slippping downhill, yet I could not stop it. It's scary, it's suffocating. It's sad, it's tiring. / Today I saw myself in the mirror, the same way I saw myself few years ago. Believe it or not, I did not recognize the person in the reflection. It was a complete stranger. Even the eyes have lost their sparkle./ I can't do anything. I don't want to do anything. I struggle breathing and walking up the stairs. I do not see a point in my life at the moment. I dream of the future when this would be gone. The only thing that makes me alive is listening to Nina Simone at the moment./ How do I rise up the hill? How do I find inspiration to fly again? I have so many things to do - obligations, work, applications, letters awaiting eagerly. All I want to do is stay in bed and listen to music. Please help me. Where do I start? How do I get rid of all this? Where do I get the energy from? I feel somebody sucked the life out of my veins. It really feels that way. Yet, I have it all. Help!